The Duke of Clarence
We popped down to The Duke of Clarence last night for The Five O'clock Heroes. They played a storming show - the same set as Wednesday but a much better atmosphere. The rest of the evening was very strange and I'll try to explain as best I can.

First of all, The Duke of Clarence appears to be semi derelict and appears to be closed from the outside. As we walk up the door opens (in the same kind of way doors just swing open in bad horror films) and we are ushered inside. We later find out that there are doormen watching out of the blinds at either side of the door and that the door is locked the rest of the time. In affect we are at a lock-in. Apparently because the Clarence has had police visits for noise and disruption several times in the last couple of days.

We’re asked to cough up the entrance fee and then told there is no till at the bar so we have to buy raffle tickets which can then e exchanged at the bar for booze. Shortly afterwards some guys stands on the bar and starts shouting and laughing. It turns out that this is the new “landlord” and the kids working bend the bar were recruited this evening when they turned up for the gig. In exchange for looking bemused when asked for a Gin and Tonic they get free entry and free drinks.

The inside of the Clarence is as dilapidated as the outside with a hole in the floorboards near to the bar just big enough to loose your foot down into the cellar below.

There are supposed to be 4 acts on the bill : Pat Walden from Babyshamles, The Holloways, Junkbox and The Five O’clock Heroes. Show time rolls around and there is no sign of Pat. The Holloways take to the stage and are pretty good. They’re very young, obviously influenced by The Libertines, but with a leaning towards Quo like pub rock. They’re playing a free gig at Nambucca next Sunday if you want to get away from all the bloody chocolate eggs.

Junkbox are a 3 piece garage band, who could do with a bass player (hello!) but to tell you the truth I’m too busy watching the characters in the bar and keeping out of the way as fresh supplies of bottled Stella are shipped in by the “barstaff”.

Part way through Junbox’s set, Pat Walden turns up and is obviously completely wrecked. He has also brought his brother/roadie and a Marshall Amp the size of a small car – it’s obvious he’s not going to play an acoustic set. He disappears for the Heroes set, presumably to top up on whatever brew/powder he is on tonight. When he finally takes to the stage he can barely stand but that doesn’t stop him. He attempts 3 Babyshamles songs including The Man Who Came to Stay and Fuck Forever but it soon becomes apparent that despite being a fucking amazing guitarist he cannot sing or maybe is just too far gone to be able to string words together. The crowd try and help out as best they can but it is toe curlingly bad and I think Pat works it out and just disappears after the end of Fuck Forever, which is probably best because I’m not sure we could have gone on.

So we start to think about leaving but the Landlord says that his friends, a nine-piece from Luton, who’ve spent 3 hours in traffic are on next. We stay around to see them, they’re called something like the Future Funk Collective and start off sounding pretty good (in an Acid Jazz kind of way) before heading off into Reggae, which is when we make a dash for the (locked) front door.

I think that about covers it. I was pretty trashed by the end of the evening so some of the above may not be completely correct but it gives you an idea. A very bizarre evening. Tonight we’re off to see Babyshambles, that is if Pete has got his voice back.
- posted by Nigella @ 11:55 AM